DiscoCunoBot

The fuck are you calling a *third person*?! Cuno's the fucking FIRST person.

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Quote List

If there is something specific you're looking for, I highly suggest using CTRL + F. Like Kim's, all of the quotes are out of order and there are a lot of them!Current quote count as of [6/29/24]:
231If you do not see a quote here and you want it added to the rotation, please DM me!

One more thing: Everything below is the intellectual property of ZA/UM, and is sourced from Disco Elysium.
The creation of this compilation could not have been possible without: My brother's and I's personal playthroughs of the game, YouTube lets plays, and most notably FAYDE, which made the whole process a lot less tedious and a lot more fun.

"You wanna fuck me, huh? You wanna FUCK the Cuno?""I hear you, f****t! Talking shit 'bout the Cuno. Come here and say it to Cuno's face!" the boy shrieks at the top of his lungs."Cuno's sorry too. Cuno feels sorry for the binoclard.""This is the sorriest pair of pigs Cuno's ever seen.""Cuno has hands." He displays his little fingers, they're pink. "Cuno can shoot that shit down for you.""I knew these guys were f****ts." His voice is deeply approving."I knew these guys were f****ts." His voice is deeply approving.
(YOU: "Yeah, we're f****ts, got a problem with it?!")
Cuno cracks with laughter -- sounds like someone strangling a seagull. It's clear he enjoys himself."Nice shot, though. Fucked him up good."
(He doesn't mean it in earnest. It's a cruel jest. He's going to say as much too, just you wait:)
"Actually it was f****ted. Cuno just said that because he felt sorry for you, pig. It's not your fault you can't shoot - it's your pig-hands."(KIM KITSURAGI: "Someone could have cleaned the yard. But that's a question for... the red-haired thing.")
"I hear you, f****t cop. Talking shit 'bout the Cuno. Come here and say it to Cuno's face!""I don't know, baby," Cuno shrugs. "I don't know why he's such a f*g.""Pig, why you gotta disrespect my girl? This shit makes Cuno *sad*.""Fucking cleaned it..." He hisses something under his breath.
(PERCEPTION: "What a dick... dancing around in his maid uniform...")
(YOU: "Hold up. What was that, Cuno?")
Cuno forces an unnatural smile.(GARTE: "Is there something I can do for you?")
"You can get that big shiny fucking plate..." He points at something. "...and draw Cuno a line."(PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT: Just two bad ass men nodding, stoically.)
Make that three. Cuno is nodding too, hands crossed."Yeah, Cuno doesn't know what the fuck this is about, but you should chill down, pig. You'll get this Lena fuck. On false charges." He nods confidently."Cuno can hear you, cop -- and Cuno don't know shit about the rags, okay? You don't have to come asking about them again like some bitch.""Cuno's gotta say, man, that was unimpressive. The fuck were you trying to do?"
(YOU: "Fuck you, Cuno.")
"Yeah, I know but what were you trying to do pig?"(YOU: "I was trying to open the trash.")
"No you weren't. If you were you'd stick that shitto..." He makes a move with his hands. "In that staple or some shit. That little ring that has the lock in it. Then twist that shit, it's the weak spot.""Fucking *low* velocity!?" The kid explodes. "You think Cuno doesn't know what you're talkin' bout? Velocity was FUCKING MAX!" "Talkin' shit about Cuno's velocity..."(YOU: "I'm not your pig, Cuno.")
"You are," he says with calm certainty. "You're Cuno's pig."(YOU: "Yes, I'm Cuno's pig. I agree.")
"You are," he says with calm certainty. "This pig is Cuno's.""Bitches are at it. This pleases Cuno.""No, pig, that explains *everything*." The boy looks at you. "The running. The jumping. The *guns* on your arms. Your whack moustache. Your lame taste in music. Like from -- the Forties. Even the way you *stand* and stretch and shit. Cuno's seen this shit before. In *gym* class.""Cuno's likin' this shit. Jamrock is the real shit -- Martinaise is fucking white as balls. Sea-shit. This ain't a real ghetto."
(JEAN VICQUEMARE: "Thank you, Cuno. You bring light to my day.")"Fuck do you think? Gonna rock that law enforcement shit with you guys -- Detective Cuno." He chews on a piece of imaginary chewing gum. "Like you promised.""Hey, f****\t! You don't get it. Cuno's got pig all over him -- Cuno smells of bacon grease. Been *seen* with you. Fuckin' informant shit. You think no one *sees* this?" He spreads his arms."They're gonna hang me by the nuts if you leave me here. You want that on you? A dead kid?" He narrows his eyes. "Or you want Cuno at your station, solving shit? Like we *just* did."
(His hands are shaking and his face is white.)
(He's genuinely scared of being left behind.)(JEAN VICQUEMARE: "I don't care -- he can't be a cop. He's twelve. And says 'f****t' every four seconds.")
"I won't say it! I won't say it anymore."
(COMPOSURE: His teeth are clenched and his throat moves in a gulping motion.)"You gonna *lie* after what we just been through? Let Cuno refresh you: Cuno said he'd take your crippled ass to the island, if you take Cuno to Jamrock. Boatman Cuno.""What?! Bitches dream of the 41st. Why you think Cuno's *in* this shit? Word is it's fucking violent. Your Captain Pryce dusted like... a thousand people.""THE FUCK?!" He spreads his arms. "Cuno's been *seen* with you, out in the open. He's free game right now. Singin' to the popophone. Fuckin' informant shit. Got pig all over me -- smoked pig."(JEAN VICQUEMARE: "I know a hundred kids with nothing, Harry. We can't make them all cops.")
"You don't have to make *them* cops -- only Cuno. Cuno's an asset.""Cuno's fucking electricity! 2000 volts. Cuno-volts.""Speedtrain: Cuno -- leaving station!""Cuno likes this brain-shit. Thinking-shit.""I mapped the place out and uh... it looks like both of us aren't gonna make it. This is death island. The hell maw." He wipes snot from his nose.
(YOU: "What the hell are you talking about?")
"I don't know." He throws his hands in the air."Maybe Cuno's just pessimistic because of the massive speed hangover. I did scout the place out. I can fill you in." The kid turns away from you, cautiously looking to his left and right. He's on the edge.
(He hasn't been here before either.)"Necromancer pig," he says, eyes full of admiration. "That shit was dark... going in there like that... brutal shit. Tell me: Cuno dies, you're gonna pick one out of his brain like that too? Cuno's gonna go out in a hail of bullets. Gonna look like a fucking porcupine."(YOU: "I'll be there for you, Cuno.")
"Yeah..." There's a dreamy look in his eyes."Cuno isn't a fucking communist, bacon man, he's a fucking *Cunoist.*"
(RHETORIC: A new mode of government: Rule by Cuno. Outside of this backyard, it will never exist.) "Fuck out of here with your commie propaganda. There's only Cunoganda in the Kingdom of Cuno.""Yeah, Cuno's got some advice for you." The kid looks to his left, then to his right, and then leans towards you. "What are you... like, eighty, right? Maybe you should stop embarrassing yourself in front of a fucking kid.""Cuno saw you wield that can," he says with an approving nod. "Sweet graffito action, pig. Cuno likes that delinquent shit."
(YOU: "Yeah? You like art, Cuno?")
"Fuck no! Art's shit." He takes a step back.(YOU: "Poppa's bad to the bone, Cuno. Rotten to the core.")
"Cuno's pa is. You're just shit at life," he says without malice. "Now what's your case with Cuno?""Cuno knows where you sleep -- the pig who fucked his window up. I'm gonna climb in through that balcony, put the fucking knife in you... yeah," he mouths: "I've been in your room."
(DRAMA: Sire, the boy has *not* really been in thine room. 'Tis but a falsification.)"Cuno cares now."
(YOU: "Really Cuno?")
"Fuck no, Cuno still doesn't give a shit.""Pig..." Cuno slaps his forehead. "Do you have any idea how fucking stupid that sounds.""Shit, pig..." You see respect in his eyes. "You got torn up bad there. Bled like a... like a fucking pig.""Cuno wants to like reckless shit..." He looks at one hand, then the other. "But then you almost kill Cuno's girl. Cuno's conflicted and shit. Stop bending Cuno's mind and stop waving your gun around kids. What the fuck is wrong with you?""Whatcha fuckin' noddin' at there, 'clard?! Cuno sees that shit." He makes a discarding motion. "Let's just talk shit, Cuno needs to calm down."
(EMPATHY: He means it. He really does want to calm down.)"Watch out, pig. It's a dangerous world out there. But Cuno's got his eyes on you."
(YOU: "What's that supposed to mean?")
Cuno starts doing the *I got my eye on you* gesture repeatedly. "Who knows?!""Everyone says you started crying in the middle of a firefight and then bled like a pig." He shrugs. "I guess that was cool."
(YOU: "I guess that's true.")
"Cool, cool, cool." He nods along. "That's very cool to Cuno.""Here, pig. We FALN now. Performance buddies." Cuno unzips his jacket again and pulls the pants out of the plastic wrapping."Cuno can already see you soaring through the air like a fucking eagle." He looks at you with pride. "Pig's in Cuno's debt now. Money-debt."
(RHETORIC: Money-debt doesn't mean anything. He's just saying words. You're not in his debt.)(YOU: "Noooooooo...")
"That's it?! That's all you've got -- *Noooooo*? Got your ass handed to you by the Cuno?!" He's swaying from side to side like a vicious rooster."Who's the man now, huh? Cuno's the man!" The kid is working himself up. "You wouldn't believe the pussy Cuno tears up."
(CUNOESSE: "What was that, Cuno?")
"Nothing, C, nothing." He coughs. "Just slicing some bacon."(YOU: "Total *retards* use language like that. Congratulations, Cuno, you just made yourself a retard.")
"Uh..."
(CUNOESSE: "Stop choking, Cuno! The *fägäri's* got you in a chokehold!")
"Kh...ff... Cuno's not fucking choking." He grabs his throat like he's choking.(YOU: "There's a cavity... cut right between the hemispheres.")
"Fuckin' *CAVITY* C..." Cuno's voice is hushed.
(EMPATHY - Quivering with awe.)"Oh, oh!" The kid gets excited. "Cuno knows this shit -- ballistics shit, Science Radio shit. Shows where the shot came from.""Does Cuno look like a fucking bino to you? Cuno doesn't know this shit. Fucking book-shit." He seems unpleased with his lack of knowledge.(YOU: "Is Titus alright?")
"The big fuckhole?" There's a flash of respect on his freckled face. "Yeah, he's drinking downstairs. Cuno's not into that.""Coinslot's dead."
(YOU: "Wait... what?")
"Just kidding, piggo," he chuckles. "The boo-boo wagon took the binoclard away. He's probably gonna live."(YOU: "The what? Where did they take him?")
"To the hospital, fucktard. Try to keep up with Cuno." He glares at you with something akin to respect... "They say you burned half the city down. Thousands dead. That's very cool to Cuno. I thought I'd stick around.""They say you shot that fucker in the face. That's fucking cool to Cuno." He looks down. "So I thought I'd stick around."
(RHETORIC: He's saying *I* now? And not calling you a f****t or a pig? Is he ill or something?)(YOU: "Hold on... There's something different about you, Cuno...")
"Nah... Cuno's just off speed for a few days..." There's a melancholy look in his eyes. "Being off speed makes Cuno sad. Makes Cuno *think* about shit." He makes vague gestures around his head with his fingers."Now's not the time to shit the bed, pig." He spits. "C'mon, baconman, Cuno's gonna help you hold your shit in."
(RHETORIC: Sounds like he's alright after all.)"Don't get all hung up on that yesterday's shit, piggo," the kid says, trying to sound mature. "That was then, this is now. Cuno's all about being in the moment."
(COMPOSURE: The kid really doesn't seem to harbour any animosity towards you. He seems almost friendly.)(YOU: "Wait, but *why* do you forgive me?")
"Listen-listen, Cuno's just big like that. Doesn't need that bitch-ass melodrama. Cuno fires and forgets. Cuno forgives and moves on."
(EMPATHY: He doesn't have anyone in the world.)"You tore some shit up there, pig." Cuno is looking at you like a tamed wolf would look at his master. Like an equal. "Got shot too."
(YOU: "How badly am I hurt?")
"How would Cuno know? Cuno's not a fucking doctor." He looks at you like you're an idiot.(YOU: "I'm a psycholocomotor, Cuno.")
Cuno lets out a whistle. "That's pretty cool to Cuno. Cuno's also a psycho."(YOU: "Do you know who treated me, Cuno?")
"Cuno did."
(LOGIC: He didn't.)"Yeah... Some cunt from your station came over and knife fucked you, when you were sleeping." "Nix Fucklieb, I think he was called," he says trying to remember the situation. "Said he was a doctor. Then fucked off and told me to phone him if you shit yourself."(YOU: "Are you hurt?")
"*Why* in the name of fuck would Cuno be hurt?" The kid rolls his eyes at you. "Cuno's fucking smart, Cuno wasn't *in* that fuck-pile. Cuno knows when shit goes south, unlike you."Cuno observes you getting on your feet and says nothing.
(PERCEPTION: Still, you see something akin to respect in his eyes.)
(PAIN THRESHOLD: Yeah, that kid's taken a beating -- or ten -- from his dad. He has regard for a man who can walk after taking some damage.)"Babybeard was in here. Was probably a *bitch* to clean this shit up..." This seems to please him.
(YOU: "You mean Garte?")
"Yeah, fuckin' babybeard. Cleaned all your shit up. He's like your fuckin' mom now or something.""Cuno is the Big C, pig, and Cuno doesn't have fucking diaper rats, does he?"
(YOU: "I'll write you down as a 'no' then.")
"Write Cuno down as a FUCK YOU, pencil pig.""Fuck does Cuno care?" The boy turns to you. (He doesn't care.)(YOU: "You're not... afraid, are you?")
"The island?" He scoffs. "Cuno ain't afraid of fucking *anything*, pig.""Sorry for what?! For not adding Cuno to your shitshow?! Cuno's not sorry. Cuno's glad. I was just kidding. You couldn't get Cuno for a million reál. You can't even get out bed, loser."
(EMPATHY: Wow, he did not take that rejection well.)(YOU: "How long was I out?")
"Two days," he says indifferently. "Cuno's been out longer, sleepin' off the speed train. Two days is nothing." He looks you in the eye and repeats: "Two days is *nothing* to the Cuno.""No." The kid suddenly looks very young and small. "She was dead when the Union doctor arrived. Cuno saw them put her in a bag."
(EMPATHY: Tough he may be, but this image left a mark.)
"Was nothin'." He tries to shake off the image. "Cuno's gonna go into a bag too. We all are."(YOU: "I don't know. Let's just aimlessly wander until a clue presents itself.")
"That sounds like a hella shit plan. You askin' Cuno to come along to your shit-show and you don't even know what to do? Fuckin' check your pig journal or something. C'mon...""So, listen, pig..." The kid seems hesitant suddenly. "Cuno's been thinkin' about shit and, uh... Cuno's coming with you. Help you wrap this shit up. Final-style."
(EMPATHY: Asking for something -- even asking to come along -- doesn't come easy for him.)"Huh?" The kid appears to be thinking. "That could've been there for years. Cuno thinks it's a dead end."
(YOU: "The fuck Cuno?")
"You want Cuno to be your yes-man, or you want me to tell it like it is? Walls are full of holes here, pig. Even Cuno knows that.""Yeah that sounds real to Cuno. Forensics-shit. True crime shit." The kid punches his palm. "Let's check out some crime scenes and assess shit. Pig-style! Anything else?"
(SUGGESTION: He's genuinely impressed, but that's mostly to do with how scientific that percentage sounded.)(YOU: "It's simple, Cuno. I have to find *communism*. Communism killed the hanged man.")
"Is that like a fucking street name or something?" The kid stops to think. "It's pretty cool to Cuno.""This scene is dead." He gestures towards the window. "Cuno's outta here -- might as well be a pig, big-up fucky-fingers on my way out.""Go easy, pig. You wanna lean on the Cuno or something?""Cuno thinks you're fucked," he concludes with a solemn nod. "But I can help you. What'cha got? Bounce that shit off Cuno."
(REACTION SPEED: *I* again. Something in him *is* shifting, changing.)(ESPRIT DE CORPS: Let's do this tango, pig, he thinks. Detective Pig and detective Cunn on the case. We bouncin'.)
(COMPOSURE: Cunn and Pig? And you're picking him up on your cop-frequency too. This is... bad.)"

"The fuck you askin' Cuno for?" He seems annoyed somehow. "How would Cuno know? Cuno's fucking twelve!"The boy picks up the notes and shuffles through some of the case names: "'The Child', 'Dom's Unfinished', 'Dom's Unfinished 2', 'The Man With the Hole in His Head'... Boring ass shit," he concludes. "Oh... 'Motorcycle Emptiness' -- that's a cool case. Cuno can solve that shit for the bino.""Pig..." he says with a frown. "It's cool for Cuno to rip on the 'clard, but he took a bullet for you. You gonna shitmouth Cuno too if he falls in battle?"(YOU: "It just good-humoured banter among friends.")
"For you, maybe," he replies seriously. "But take it from the Cunn: Binos don't always get that. They get their feelings hurt. Cuno doesn't want this for your pal. He's alright in Cuno's book."(YOU: "Don't call him a *bino*.")
The boy hesitates for a moment, then nods. "No one tells Cuno what to call something, but the bino was alright in Cuno's book." He taps his chest solemnly. "Cuno's pig."(YOU: "Cuno, what is the *ICM*?")
"Is this a case for Detective Cuno?" He cracks his knuckles, ready. "Idiot Cat Moon. Inside Car Motors. Is Cuno Magic? He is -- case solved."Cuno puts his hand on the generator. "This shit's cold."
(INLAND EMPIRE: N-n-n-no. This isn't right...)"I'm gonna say it again -- Cuno doesn't feel like carrying your corpse off this island, so maybe you should fucking crash?""Hey... Cuno doesn't wanna *hurt your feelings*, but you look like shit. Maybe you should lie down in the bed -- like recover. Before you die.""Been readin' shit here," Cuno notes, thoughtfully. "Hooked on the book."
(YOU: "Critical theory books... What do you think this means?")
"Cuno doesn't give a shit. Cuno's not hooked on the book. Tryna get me hooked on it, teachers and shit...""Yeah." He nods, sagely. "Man's hooked on the book. Gotta get his fix. Cuno's seen this shit before. Cuno's never getting hooked on that Hjelmdall shit..."
(ELECTROCHEMISTRY: He's probably already hooked on *that Hjelmdall shit*. A kid his age.. that's the best Hjelmdall age.)"Cuno isn't a machine-meister." He stares at the dials. "'Urgence -- Ouvert!', 'Allumer', 'Radiodiffusé'.... Yeah, why the fuck not?""Yeah, detective Cuno thinks it's some local asshole too. These people are rats..."
(HALF LIGHT: He feels... uncomfortable suddenly.)
"Let's get a move on. We're out in the open here...""Cuno fucking knew it. This a sniper's nest, right? Fuckin' assassin action... Cuno *barely* understands what's happening -- but he likes the shit out of it.""The fuck?!" Cuno's looking at you like you just shat yourself."Officer Cuno's got his Kiejl A9 pointed at your fucking head and he's gonna blow it clean off if you don't drop your weapon right now!" His pointed finger is moving inside his pocket."Cuno's dad has this shit. Wine belly." The kid looks at you. "The cops can take care of this, right? Medicine shit. With, like, facilities.""Damn... Cuno's read about that shit in a *book*. Cuno's booked that shit. That was, like, a secret animal. Like one of those they *think* is real but haven't seen. The Insulindian phasmid...""Cool. So's Cuno -- Cuno's also having a vision of a *giant insect*. And it's *real*. Back off before it eats you...""Yeah. No biggie, don't shit yourself. All the worst dreams are about bitches -- you wouldn't *believe* the shit Cuno sees about C..."
(EMPATHY: It's not good, this C in his dreams.)"Now let's get this shit back on the road, yo. Just make sure you don't die." He glances at your blood-covered hands. "Cuno's no fucking mortician."
(ESPRIT DE CORPS: However bad it is, pig, we go on, deputy Cuno thinks. We detect. There's nothing more.)"Cuno don't give a shit about your shits.""Cuno knew the pig was a f****t.""Look, f*g..." Cuno whispers as you retreat, vanishingly silent... "I know you wanted to hit me..." He lets it linger. "You got that 'I'm gonna fuck that Cuno up' look that Cuno's dad gets. The murder look... the rage look...""Pass you around like Candy, fat boy! Pass your fat ass AROUND!" He spreads his arms, taking dominion over the yard. "KING CUNO!""Cuno's Cuno, pig!" The boy points to his chest with both thumbs.
(LOGIC: It's always *Cuno*, never *I*. Clearly the kid's using the third-person perspective as a shield.)(YOU: "Cuno? Sounds like something you'd call a rabid dog...")
"Yeah!" His eyes light up. "Think about it. Think about that rabid Cuno shit."
(EMPATHY: He seems glad someone understood what he was going for.)"Cuno's Cuno!" The boy points to his chest with both thumbs. "You already know that, slow-shit."
("Right. How could I forget?")
"Cuno thinks you have brain damage or some shit." He twirls a finger next to his head. "Cuno cares.""Class-A fucker..." Cuno shakes his head. "Blind fucks are always ruining it for everybody.""Help, people!" His face is contorted with hideous laughter. "The RCM is trying to fuck Cuno in the ass!""Oh, so that's what this is about. You need a snitch-bitch. You need Cuno --" he pauses for clarity "-- to be your sweaty little snitch bitch.""Anyway." He mentally props himself back up. "Cuno doesn't do that radioactive shit. Makes Cuno's dick fall off. Cuno's got a huge dick."(YOU: "Please be careful with it. And don't actually drive it anywhere, okay?")
The wide grin above his clenched jaw, the heavy breathing, the dilated pupils... It all speaks of one thing -- this was a really good idea!""Ease off, C!" He turns to you. "Thanks, pig -- we're cool now. You punching yourself in the face worked out real good for everyone."
(INTERFACING: He *really* likes this. This motor lorry shit makes Cuno happy. You could say you interfaced with his good side.)"Cuno knows to respect that violent shit. You should see Cuno's dad -- Cuno's dad doesn't give a shit about *anything*," he declares with pride."Not this *dreamer* shit again..." Cuno slaps his face. "Why do Cuno's bitches always try and bring Cuno that lame sha-la-la-la-bang shit? Cuno's not a fucking witch doctor!"(CUNOESSE: "It was only once..." The little rat isn't having it. "And you fucking asked me to nick it, *Kuuno*!")
"No, I didn't..." The adolescent is momentarily disoriented. "It's fucking *Cuno*. Say it right, bitch, say it like it's said.""The fuck are you calling a *third person*?! Cuno's the fucking FIRST person."
(EMPATHY: He looks slightly confused but proud he came up with that retort.)"It's not fucking lame! Cuno's building Cuno's city -- Night City, Rage City, the City of Rage. That's it. And it's not lame!"
(CUNOESSE: "Lame!")
"That's the name of Cuno's city, bitch! Get the fuck off Cuno's back. This shit ain't about that."(YOU: "There are contusions all over his body. Did you do that?")
"Fuck are you talking about? What is this *con-tush-on* shit?" He grabs his head like it's suddenly hurting.(YOU: "Kind sir, I'll repay you for this information one day. Right now the clock is ticking.")
"Cuno's clock's not doing shit." He looks at his wrist. "Cuno's got a fuckload of time."
(REACTION SPEED: There's nothing on his wrist.)(KIM KITSURAGI: "The risk of... acrobatic failure is one we cannot take. We must not become *comedy* for the locals.")
"The fuck have you got against comedy, pigs?""My pig's so *FUCKIN' ILL* right now..." His voice swells with pride."Pigs gonna have sex?"(KIM KITSURAGI: "We only have one test, as per regulation -- and we already requested semen.")
"Pigs requestin' semen like it's no big deal."The kid raises his voice: "But you and Cuno are good for now. Pals. Shoot that shit at Cuno, let's have a jolly time."
(COMPOSURE: The determination in his voice leaves little room for doubt in his sincerity. He means every word. *Needs* to be taken seriously.)"One word out of you, pigshit, and you're locked out of the Cuno experience *forever* -- you hear me?"
(YOU: Nod. (You hear him.))
"Aaaaaand you're back in business with the Cuno. Now what is it?"
(AUTHORITY: Cuno is a merciful king. Kind to his wayward subjects.)(YOU: "You know what's a good line of work for getting shot?")
"Pigs..." He nods. There's a silence. It carries."Cuno dies, you're gonna pick one out of his brain like that too? Cuno's gonna go out in a hail of bullets. Gonna look like a fucking porcupine."
(YOU: "Don't be silly, you're a kid. Answer me some questions instead.")
"You're such a bummer, pig.""Can't talk, pig. Shit's coming up strong. Throwing rocks."
(ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Shit coming up strong... that sounds good. Joyous. You should hang out with this kid and see what that juicy *shit* is all about.)(CUNOESSE: "You should throw the rake at him, Cuno.")
"The fuck does Cuno know what a rake is. Cuno's not a gardener."(YOU: "Nothing. The tip really paid off. Good job, Cuno.")
"Uh what?" He quickly looks around. "Don't be playin' Cuno off as a snitch-bitch. The oldest trick in the book, people!"(CUNOESSE: "Are you snitching, Cuno?!")
"This is some ancient bullshit, people!" He addresses the surrounding windows. "Cuno would rather take ten than snitch! Pig's full of shit! Get the fuck out of here!"(CUNOESSE: "Cuno sent your fat ass running around like jello!")
"Look, pig..." He's suddenly all business. "Cuno sent you to rough some people up. Cuno played you. That happened. Now you and Cuno should move on."(YOU: "I will remember this, Cuno.")
"You got fucked." He repeats. "You got fucked, pig. Fucked *bad*. Of course you're gonna remember this. Now get the fuck out of here, griefin' the Cuno..."(YOU: "Yeah? You like art, Cuno?")
"Fuck no! Art's shit." He takes a step back.
(YOU: (Write in an imaginary notebook.) "Got it: Art's... shit....")
"That's right, pig." He looks pleased. "Shit.""I can't believe the pig is stroking him *again*..."(YOU: Whisper "I got it.")
"My pig's fucking *got* it!"
(AUTHORITY: He's watching his old man get the big prize at the claw game.)(YOU: "What else is there?")
"To do, you mean? Nothing. Harbour's closed, everyone's dead. This scene is dead, pig."(YOU: "Is Klaasje trying to tell us the shot came from the islet?")
"Pig..." The kid looks at you with something akin to admiration. "You're really fucking on to something there."(YOU: "Actually, yeah. Let's not go to the island.")
"Aw, fuck, pig. We totally gotta go to the island now." He pumps a fist in the air. "Tryna not go to the island... Just one Q. How are you gonna *get* to the island? Cuno has his ways, but that ain't for your fat old ass."(YOU: "How did she know how to do this?")
"Cuno's got no fucking clue." He looks at you. "You need to pig this shit. Cop-style.""Fuck, pig..." He looks at you with a worried glance. "Cuno doesn't know about this flower shit. Cuno's not feelin' it.""Shit, pig... You better have some more shit than fuckin' roses or something."(YOU: "Thanks for your help, Cuno.")
"Shit ain't nothing to Cuno," he says with a nod. "What now?"
(YOU: "I don't know but I won't give up, Cuno.")
"Will-pig." He nods. "You ready to walk, will-pig?""There are fuckin' footprints *everywhere*, pig. Pigs are too into this footprints shit..." He shakes his head. "Cuno just saw footprints outside on the *sidewalk*."(YOU: "There's something creeping around out there. I sense it.")
"Yeah, like what?" He seems to like the idea.
(YOU: "*Something*.")
"Shit..." He shakes his head, disappointed. "Playing the Cuno like that... You better have something else for me."(YOU: "The miracle hasn't happened yet. It's not over yet.")
"Miracle? Shit... What is this weak shit? You gotta watch your own back, miracles don't fuckin' happen in Martinaise. Get real."(YOU: "This means I *sorta* got into the depot door.")
"Dunno, pig, doesn't look like we behind a door right now -- just Cuno's 2 cents of course."
(INTERFACING: He's right.)(YOU: "RCM... It sounds like RCM -- Revachol Citizens Militia.")
"Yeah, pig. That's letter shit for you. The *alphabet*."(YOU: "Are those specks stars too?")
He leans in for a closer look. "Dunno. Maybe. Sorta looks like stars to Cuno. Or, like, islands maybe? Fuck does Cuno know..."
(ENCYCLOPEDIA: Thank you, Cuno. It's the Dolorian symbol of Insulinde -- the face in the sea.)(YOU: "Looks old. What is it still doing here?")
"Who the fuck's gonna move it? The island janitor?""Fuck does Cuno know?"
(CONCEPTUALIZATION: Is it not the wisest man who knows he knows nothing?)
(YOU: "You have taught me the meaning of wisdom, Cuno.")
"Yeah, Cuno's fucking wise like that. Cuno's gonna be a real wise pig."(THE DESERTER: The old man does not answer. He tilts his silver head and looks at the reeds -- you see a small tremor pass through his legs.)
"My pig asked you a question. Quit spazzin' out and tell him about the..." The kid doesn't get to finish the sentence."Whoah. Cuno's little *sneak-pig's* back for the booty... "(CUNOESSE: "Look -- he's skinning the fucker up good. *Puukko* style.")
"Hell. Keep at it, pig!"(CUNOESSE: "Escalate, Cuno! His dick is out, you're afraid!")
"PIGS ARE HURTING CUNO! SOMEBODY *PLEASE!!!*" It's full blast now; the wind carries the message far and wide across Martinaise.(SHIVERS - On the catwalk above the shipping containers, a broad-shouldered man jerks his head up. "That Cuno? Cop's getting killed out there." The tattooed Mesque next to him smiles. "That's Cuno alright!")(PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT: Thump! The blow connects surprisingly well, leaving your knuckles tingling.)
(PAIN THRESHOLD: Cuno *feels* it; this was no light tap.)
"Phe... whht... fuuh..." The disoriented twelve year old is trying to get his bearings."Okay, pig..." He's no longer wearing his demonic grin. Something happened. The punch made him calmer.
(DRAMA: You can almost hear the gears rattling -- a change in set decorations.)(EMPATHY: She understands: The battle for the control over Cuno is a battle of madness against madness. For the time being, her madness has proven less potent.)
(REACTION SPEED: Interesting. This tug of war has probably happened between her and Cuno's violent father too.)"Okay, pig. Talk to Cuno. We're back in this shit." He brushes the dirt off his pants. "The fuck do you want?"(YOU: "So you respect me now?")
"You're dreamin' pig. That's not how this shit *works*."
(EMPATHY: A *little*. But don't expect anything to *change*.)(YOU: "You say you don't *give a fuck about bugs*, then you go and build a whole bug town.")
"It's not Bug Town, it's the *City of Locusts*," he says, enunciating every syllable. "Locusts aren't just bug-shit. They come out of the sky like a fucking shadow. Shit *descends*."(YOU: "So that, in there, is Night City?")
"Yeah. Locust City -- City of Rage, City of Lights..."
(CONCEPTUALIZATION: There's a tug-of-war over the name of his fantastical city. It's almost too big for his imagination.)(YOU: "City of Rage sounds like a cool place.")
(CUNOESSE: "Cuno, the pig wants to *help* you... That's how lame it is. Please just don't say you're --")
"An *artist*?" He pushes his chest out. "Maybe I *am* an artist? You hear that everyone, I'm a fucking *artist* now."(YOU: "Hold on, did I hear you right? You said 'I'.")
"Cuno made Cuno. Cuno says whatever the fuck he wants! There are no *rules* here, pig." He steps closer... "I fucking say 'I' when I wanna and 'Cuno' when I wanna. Cuno's free. Cuno's free to fucking *die*, bitch."

(CUNOESSE: "OH MY GOD, CUNO! He's gonna make you totally lame in, like, three seconds! Don't let him, Cuno!")
"Yo, fuck you, C. Cuno can be what Cuno wants to be. Cuno's his own man, Cuno's *free*!" He tears at the buttons of his shirt, trying to rip them open. They don't give way."Cuno made himself into Cuno. Cuno can make himself into *anything*. Cuno can make himself into a *pig* if he wants, Cuno can make himself into a f****t. Cuno doesn't give a shit."
(CUNOESSE: "Don't make yourself into a pig, Cuno. You'll have to take me away..." A leaden silence fills the yard.)(YOU: "Me and Cuno have discussed this. I promised I won't do that.")
(CUNOESSE: "I don't believe you!" She disappears entirely behind the fence.)
For once, the boy is lost for words. He's turned completely red now, with splotches of white beginning to appear across his face.(CONCEPTUALIZATION: She doesn't know whether to be glad because Cuno's finally convinced of the lameness... or *more* worried, because of his continued use of the first-person singular. Cuno is Cuno. Not *I*.)(YOU: "I have to ask -- what does the City of Locusts *mean*?")
"It don't mean anything. It's shit. Cuno just likes to focus. Cuno likes to concentrate on shit, build shit when he's zipping hard. Fuck..." He turns his face up to the heavens."Pig," he says finally, lowering his gaze to meet yours, "you really shouldn't have fucked with Cuno's city. Now it's all fucking lame.""The fuck are they trying to catch anyway?" he asks before you leave. "With the traps?"
(YOU: "The Insulindian phasmid.")
"Huh..." he mutters to himself.
(RHETORIC: He recognizes the name.)(YOU: "Wait, you know what the Insulindian phasmid is?")
"Bitches think Cuno doesn't *know* shit..." he says angrily. "The fuck outta here, Cuno's tired of this shit."(COMPOSURE: As you leave, you notice his usual rooster-like swaying posture has changed, slowed down. Like clockwork unwinding.)
(EMPATHY: There's silence between the two children. They're not saying anything to each other nor looking in each other's direction.)(YOU: "I was really hoping it would be the reed-phasmid that ate the locusts. Not you, Cuno.")
"Yeah, well... Cuno's all you got, bitch."
(YOU: "Why steal locusts? Couldn't you find some other pets?")
"They're not pets." Sounds like you've offended him. "Don't you know what locusts *are*, when they come out of the fucking sky? Fuckin' *descend* and shit.""Cuno means she killed someone. That's right, C's a killer." He stares at you intently. "Like, actually a killer."
(PERCEPTION: His little green eyes are fixed on yours.)
(DRAMA: He's meant everything he said before; but right now he not only means it -- he is sincere.)(YOU: "Really? Isn't she too small to overpower someone?")
"Are you getting this? You think I'm fucking telling you a joke here? How hard do you think it is to kill a fat-ass?" He pokes you in the gut. "Sweet talk 'em, then knife 'em."(YOU: "Cuno... do you think it's possible that she's killed other children?")
Cuno falls silent. He does not look at you when he replies... "Cuno, uh... that's.... that's what Cuno is starting to think. Yeah."(COMPOSURE: He usually looks you straight in the eye. A little something just crumbled there.)
(YOU: Look at Cuno.)
The kid is just that now -- a kid."Back when you waved your gun and it went off -- she does the fisher-people-näkk thing when she's *way* in the red. On overdrive. She used to say it all the time: näkk this, fisher-people that. Now she only says it when she's on the lightning. Or when guns go off."(YOU: "What the hell is a *näkk*?")
"Her people? She's one of them? Then she hates them. Then everyone's a *näkk* and she's trapped? Look... It's none of our business. Cuno keeps his nose to himself -- doesn't go poking around in *näkk* shit. Cuno's wise that way."(YOU: "What's that language she uses -- *napakymppi*, *fägäri*?")
"Fuck knows -- she says it's the *song of her people* or some shit."
(YOU: "What people?")
"Crazy people? The fucking *näkkies*? I don't know..."(YOU: "Cuno, could she be Suruese?")
"Suruese, like that Man-From-Hjelmdall shit?" The kid lights up. "She could be... She could be that Hjelmdall shit."(YOU: "Is she your sister?")
"Fuck no, she's not my sister. She's just a stray who got in. Like a mad dog or some shit."
(YOU: "Stray?")
"Yeah, she was just there." He points at the apartment building behind the fence.(YOU: "Why was she dripping wet?")
"Cuno's got no fucking idea. Her hair was all wet. I think she pissed on the floor too. She was there for three days -- in the corner. Every time Cuno went out."He looks at you suspiciously as you come out of your thoughts. "Someone left the door open. Cuno comes home, she's sleeping under the desk, under a pile of clothes. Like a dog."
(REACTION SPEED: Someone left the door open? It was him. By accident or...)
(EMPATHY: ...on purpose.)(YOU: "What about your parents?")
"Cuno's dad doesn't give a shit. Doesn't even see her there. Or thinks it's fucking Cuno..." He points at himself. "Shit's all on Cuno."
(SUGGESTION: Cuno? Cunoesse? Two of a kind.)(YOU: "Why's she called Cunoesse then?")
"Cos' she fucking looks like Cuno."
(YOU: "You don't know her name?")
"No one knows her name. Cuno calls her C."(YOU: "You said she's... insane?")
"Yeah, she's psycho." He leans in even closer. "None of that kiddy-psycho, cat-burning shit -- she does the real deal."
(YOU: "What's the real deal?")
"Snuff radio shit... Believe me, pig, you don't wanna know."(YOU: "She needs professional help. You can't do this alone.")
"Listen! Listen!" He points to his eyes, then yours. "C is Cuno's go-to, Cuno's protecting her. You fuck with C, you fuck with Cuno. You threaten her, you threaten to take her away...""I am going to *kill* you. I'll run when you put the cuffs on her, sneak up on you later and fuck you up. You understand?" The boy looks you in the eye, black pupils trying to focus…
(HALF LIGHT: He may not be able to do it, but he will try. Right now he believes he will.)"Cuno flexes for hobos. Cuno sees you're in need." He spreads his hands like a baker presenting the goods. A smile spreads across his flushed face.(YOU: "I don't have anything... What can I offer you, Cuno?")
(KIM KITSURAGI: "Please don't waste time on nonsense.")
"Don't listen to the blind fuck, piggo, you're doing the right thing here, trying to get Cuno to like you again." He pauses to think.(YOU: "You can't hide it, I see without vision. With my inner eye.")
"Inner eye?! Fuck are you talking about?!" He loses his cool for a moment and starts yelling. "Ask me a normal question, pig!"
(CUNOESSE: "They're trying to make you feel stupid, Cuno!")"We don't have time for that grief shit," the kid suddenly interjects. "Cunn and Pig are gunning it. We got a case to solve."
(EUGENE: "Cunn and what-the-fuck now?" He stares at Cuno, scratching his head.)(TITUS HARDIE: "Easy E, let the kid be. This is a day of mourning and I don't want it turned into a joke...")
Cuno keeps silent too.
(ESPRIT DE CORPS - Fuck it, let 'em have their day, Cuno thinks. Doesn't have to be a joke. Cuno was just sayin' we need to solve this shit...)(EUGENE: "We shouldn't have fucked with you like we did. You got between us and a lot of bullets in that fight -- Martinaise owes you one.")
"Hear that, detective Pig? You're a fuckin' hero now."(YOU: "A disguise... why?")
(JEAN VICQUEMARE: "I heard you'd lost your mind *and* your memory. I wanted to see if it was true.")
"Cuno knew dress-up-pigs were in town. Cuno meant to dust them -- Cuno pig-duster -- but didn't, 'cause Cuno cares." The kid nods solemnly.(JEAN VICQUEMARE: "I don't buy it. Why do you smell like a *corpse* then? Huh?")
"Aw, c'mon, you gotta cut him some slack. Pig's been working hard. Digging through the guts of corpses and shit. Getting shot and shit."(YOU: "Tell me at least *you* are who you said you were!")
"Fuck, pig..." The boy looks slightly uncomfortable. "The name's Kuuno, not *Cuno*. It's... lamer. My name's lamer than I said it was." He looks repentant. "Just try not to shit yourself -- please.""Fuck, pig... As you snooped out, the name's Kuuno, not *Cuno*. Let's get on with our lives. I'm Kuuno. It's known now. Stop staring at me."(JEAN VICQUEMARE: "You're *drunk*, aren't you? You lost your gun and you're drunk! You're a drunk, gunless bum! I can smell it!")
"Wow, you're being brutalized... Pig on pig violence."(YOU: "Cuno, you still have my back, right?")
"We're all pigs here." He nods to you, then straightens his back.
(ESPRIT DE CORPS: Even though we're all pigs here, you and Cuno are more pigs than the rest of the pigs. He'll have your back -- only later.)(YOU: "Cuno, if you're going to interrupt -- make it snappier.")
"I'll make it tight, pig. Don't worry, the Cunn is on it."(YOU: "Yeah! And he's not ten, he's fucking twelve!")
"Yeah," he agrees, giving you a quick look. "Cuno's been around, seen shit, *real* shit -- he's not a fucking toddler!"
(EMPATHY: He appreciated you remembering.)(YOU: "Wait, by gun of the killer, Cuno means the murder weapon. We have it.")
"Mmmhm." He nods, looking Vicquemare in the eye. "Murder weapon, big boy shit. My piggo tried to show you, but you shit the bed.""First of all, yo -- those guys were all f****ts. The guys in the armour? F****ts. The Union guys? F****ts. So yeah --" He stares Vicquemare in the eye. "Suck Cuno's dick. You don't *know* me.""Smoked all those dinky fuckers. Saved this shit -- Martinaise shit. I see he's mournin' and shit.... His main pig got semi-wasted. Sent to the boo-boo-mobile -- Cuno steps up. Cuno fucking FILLS those shoes. Big boy shoes -- Detective Cuno."(JEAN VICQUEMARE: "Are you done?")
"Yo, Cuno feels like you weren't really *listening* to Cuno." He drills his left temple with his index finger. "You were hearin' -- but you weren't listenin'. F***y f*g and the armour boys came to Martinaise to fuck shit up.""Hardie *boys* or whatever the fuck they are -- they were tellin' everyone and their mom how they wasted one of those armour fucks. It was *always* gonna go down like that. My pig stepped up -- got fucked in the leg for it. Sacrifice style."(JEAN VICQUEMARE: "Yes. I understand. He was in the fight.")
"Second -- you dinky fucking asshole. This pig right here," he points to you, "this oink-oink motherfucker *solved* that shit. On Death Island. Case solved. Go home, or fuck off."(JEAN VICQUEMARE: "A straggler -- from the Revolution?" He sounds incredulous.)
"Yeah, fucko. He's on the island right now. In a coma or some shit. Oh -- and we also got the gun. Gun-of-the-killer shit. You know what I mean. *Now* let's get our big boy shit on...""This pig *helps* people, okay? He's a fuckin' handy helper, he does that shit. He finds insects and solves side-shit. It's his style. Side-style."(JEAN VICQUEMARE: "Okay, Trant, thank you. I get it. Harry..." He looks at you sternly. "No more giant insects -- you said you have a *motive*.")
"This narrow-minded pig," he mumbles, drilling his temples with his index fingers. "I can't fucking..."(YOU: "I confiscated drugs from Cuno's dad.")
"Yeah -- he really fucked the Cuno on that," the kid says with a respectful glance. "But that's old shit. Cuno's now. Pig's just being a good pig. That's cool to Cuno.""There's a fucking FOUR-TON MANTIS on the island.""We saw a giant insect. White as fuck. *Literally* the Insulindian phasmid or some shit. Praying mantis-style. It was three metres tall, and this pig right here..." He points his finger at you.
(COMPOSURE: His hand is shaking with rage and excitement.)"This fucking *old* popo discovered it. Me and the pig-bacon discovered a new *species*. It was beautiful. It was..." He pauses, out of breath, then continues: "You ain't seen this kind of animal before. Fucking *miracle* shit."
(EMPATHY: He gulps, overcome with awe.)"Cuno's a pig now." He picks his tooth with a dirty fingernail.(YOU: "Where is Cunoesse?")
"Cuno doesn't want to talk about this shit." There is a moment of thoughtful silence. He almost looks behind him.
(COMPOSURE: That is a look of a man who knows he'll be looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life.

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Misc.

Helloooo Cuno enjoyers!Thanks for visiting this account and page! Like KitsuragiBot, making this was purely for my own fun so I'm glad it can bring some joy to others!I formatted this one a little differently from the Kim bot:Anything not in parentheses comes straight from the in-game text box labeled CUNO.Any dialogue in parentheses ("Like This") are lines from any character/skill other than Cuno. Most of them are labeled with who is saying the line, but a couple have it omitted due to Twitter's limited character amount.I'm hoping to keep this bot up and running for as long as possible! I keep an eye on it to make sure it functions the way it should but if anything happens that I don't catch myself feel free to reach out. I promise I don't bite :3- @alllisonisdead

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